Sliding Doors

One of my favorite movies is Sliding Doors. It's a movie about a woman whose whole life changes by one split-second instance where she 1. Hurries and makes the subway train, and 2. She misses it. The movie goes back and forth between what happens thereafter as a result of that moment.

Today at church we had stake conference (a semi-annual meeting where all the wards in an area meet together as a congregation and listen to talks from stake members and leaders). I was in and out of the hall with Cooper the entire two hours, as were many other parents of small children. At one point, Cooper was pointing to a baby, and I looked over at it and saw that the father looked vageuly familiar, but couldn't figure out why. Later on, I was out in the hall with Cooper again near the end of the two-hour meeting, and this same guy passes us in the hall, stops and says, "Is your name Chrystal?" I looked at him and recognized a guy I had dated as a senior in high school, and again later in college--Blaine Edwards. Instantly I was thankful that as teenagers and as early 20-somethings we had minded our p's and q's and there was nothing embarrassing between us. However, it was still awkward. I had broken this guy's heart-- terribly.

We'd gone out 5 or 6 times in high school, but I'd always kept it barely more than friends since I knew he'd go on a 2-year mission for our church that summer after HS, and I didn't want any serious relationship. I was dating then just for fun and socializing. But after Blaine got home from his mission, Nathan and I were on a break, I was living back in Utah at the time finishing school, and Blaine asked me out. After three dates, while saying good night, he tried to kiss me, and I TOTALLY dodged him. I felt so bad. I mean, we'd been out at least a dozen times between HS and then, and I knew it was going to come up. But Nathan still had my heart, and not wating to lead Blaine on, I made it clear I just didn't feel that strongly for him. We were good friends and had a really good time together, but there just wasn't that spark.

Anyway, there's the history, and that was the last time I saw him. After that, he joined the Navy and moved to Maine. That was the last I'd heard of him. So there we were today, awkwardly making small-talk in the hall at church after 11 years, each of us holding our own baby. It was one of those moments that just makes you think...a Sliding Doors moment.

I wondered if I'd kissed him that night whether we'd have ended up together, and what the last 11 years of my life would have been like. Would I be as happy as I am? Crazy to think that Cooper wouldn't be a part of my life, but then again, maybe I'd have 4 or 5 rugrats by now. It was just one of those weird "Old Lang Syne" moments that just made me wonder.

It's crazy the roads life takes you: the meanderings, the times when you feel like you're on a fast-track and just can't slow down, and all the unexpected bumps and turns. That's life, I guess. But there are so many small decisions we make every day that affect larger things in life. I think about things I choose to do or not to do each day, things I've done in the past, or plan to do in the future, that have or will affect the major outcome of my life. It's so important to live right, to stay in tune with the Lord, so you don't just get lost in all of it. I'm so thankful for the place my life has lead me thus far. I'm thankful for the Atonement of our Lord Jesus Christ, and for the power of forgiveness, so that when we do make mistakes, we can make it right again. I'm thankful for my husband and my son.

I'm thankful to be in a place in life where I can say that I'm truly happy with myself. It's not easy to say that sometimes, and I know life will eventually throw things in my path that will make me question my abilities as a woman, a wife, a mother, an employee, or whatever hat I will be wearing at the time. But for now I can say I'm truly happy, and I thought I'd better record it. :)