Time is flying by, and at 34 weeks with only 5 weeks left until our little guy arrives, my nesting instinct is in full swing. I've done crazy things the last week or so like clean out closets, dust behind furniture, cleaned all the blinds in my house, and have only three more windows to clean. Nate finally moved the armoire for the baby from the garage to the boys' room (with the help of a great neighbor), and so now I can start washing baby clothes and getting the nursery stuff really ready. As a side note, Nate has been killing his honey-do list lately, and then some. It's wonderful to have a husband who understands that a woman in her eighth month of pregnancy has lots of physical limitations, but no limits to the number of projects she wants done before the baby arrives. He is a good sport and a great husband and father.
How is it possible that I have 5 weeks left, I look and feel like I'm due any day...see below. (I'm already about the size I was when Cooper was born.)
This picture shows how exhausted I felt today. Probably overdid it the last two days, but I gotta take advantage of those days I have lots of energy to get things done, because then there are days like today when I don't get much done at all, but feel like I've been running a marathon. Comes with the territory of pregnancy and motherhood. All mothers have days like that, regardless of being pregnant or not.
On days like today, I wonder what in the world has obsessed me to have another child, because I can't even rein in the one I do have. Cooper was on a bad streak today, which was doubly awful because I was tired and because he'd been so good the previous two days. I was starting to think we had turned a corner, that some of my parenting of teaching choices and consequences and obedience and such was finally going to show some success, but then regression. I do find that positive reinforcement works much better for him than negative, which is the case with most children, but when I'm running on little sleep and just totally tired, my positive reinforcement runs short.
Anyway, today I was babysitting a friend's 4 yr old, and he and Coop were full of more energy than I could handle at times, and I started wondering why I want another child. Then I remembered a few things from the last few days. First, my sister shared a link on Facebook to a story about a woman who feels like the invisible mom-servant to her family until a friend returns from a trip to Europe with a book about the grand cathedrals and how the builders of those cathedrals will forever remain anonymous, but that their efforts and sacrifice will stand as wonders to the world. Her friend likened motherhood and her "invisible" efforts to the builders of the cathedrals, and her children to the cathedrals themselves. I loved this story, and it sure rang true to me, understanding that all the sacrifice mothers put forth for their children is SO worth it. It's rewarding beyond measure to see your child grow, learn, and become their own little person, who will someday be an adult, etc.
The second thing I thought about was the juxtaposition between a few things I've recently viewed on tv/internet. Several tv shows I like have recently showed the main characters making choices that seem to be leading them in an ever downward spiral, and leaving them feeling hopeless. It's depressing to think that people probably really feel that way. Contrastingly, this past weekend was General Conference again for our church, and so I spent 8 hours between Sat/Sun watching/listening to leaders from our church (prophets, apostles, auxiliary leaders, etc.) speak on gospel topics, and give advice of how to better your life. I always LOVE General Conference and feel so uplifted afterward. My favorite speaker was Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles whose talk was entitled "Lord, I Believe." He shared the account from Mark 9:24 where the father of a boy with a possessed spirit brought his son to the Savior to be healed. Christ told him that "all things are possible to him that believeth." The father "cried out...Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief." Elder Holland's talk was about how the father first put forth what faith he had, and then acknowledged he needed help. I could go on and on about this talk and the many points/inspirations made to me. But you can read it for yourself at the link above. What I'm ultimately getting at is the HOPE of a bright future that I felt, and how uplifted my spirit was after hearing these prophetic words, and many others from the conference.
Then two nights ago I was catching up on a leadership training for church Primary leaders (leaders of children's organization) that was provided worldwide on Apr. 4. The training was so inspiring and uplifting that I felt completely full to the brim with hope and love for the children of our ward Primary, and for my own children. It was such a stark contrast to the things on television, that I found the tv shows that I usually enjoy a bit repulsive, and very depressing. With people wandering about, aimlessly doing things that are of little value, or that will ultimately lead to unhappiness and further self-loathing, I felt compassion for them (not the tv characters, but those in real life who may be feeling the same way), wanting so badly to be able to help and uplift them, to give them a knowledge of their Savior and the love, hope, and peace He provides.
So how does this relate back to my thoughts on motherhood? It gives me joy to know that I'm being blessed with some of God's choicest spirits to come to my home and be my children. I feel honored to be a mother, and it makes me want to have more children. Motherhood is a blessing from God, women being blessed with the gift of creation. It's a special and amazing thing to carry a child, and then to mother that child. I was trying to explain to Nathan tonight how I already have a connection and relationship with our unborn child, and that feeling his movements and growth, while sometimes really uncomfortable now that he's outgrowing his space, are endearing to me because it's a way of me already holding my son.
While these last few weeks of pregnancy get really uncomfortable and exhausting, it's such a joyful thing. I am looking forward to finally meeting this little guy face to face instead of feet to belly. And although at times Cooper is frustrating, and I feel like I couldn't possibly handle another child, nothing brings me more satisfaction that being a mother. Nothing.
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